#shifts should be 6 hours and 4 days a week don't @ me

[permanentreverie]

want to journal want to clean my room and bathroom want to make plans with a friend want to visit my sister want to stay home want to rewatch a movie want to start a new show want to rewatch an old show want to finish my book but WORK.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not engaging enough with my neighbours?

I (26f), about 6 months ago, moved into my first apartment in a new city after getting my first post-college job. As the office building that I work at is located in a lively and touristy part of the city, the bosses require that the front desk is manned 24/7 and, after normal office hours, this is done by volunteers or people in entry-level positions like me as we only have a 4- day week otherwise. Therefore, I have a certain number of these shifts per month anyway and I also regularly offer to take over shifts for my co-workers as my schedule allows me to easily plan my private life around the shifts - additionally, the shifts themselves are not hard work. We are not allowed to do any of our actual job stuff (as this would mean they would have to pay us more for the shift) and instead are allowed to do pretty much anything we want as long as we stay behind the front desk and don't "embarrass" the company (I usually read or cross-stitch).

However, this does result in me having a highly irregular schedule, often working overnight or on the weekends. Therefore, I rarely see my neighbours - even though we have an organization in my apartment block called the Apartment Tenant Association (ATA). The ATA is an informal organisation that, bi-monthly, create opportunities for us neighbour to meet up and chat. Because of work, I have been largely unable to attend these meet-ups which I didn't really think would be a problem - attendance is voluntary and the ATA is informal after all. However, I have started receiving anonymous notes in my mailbox - at first merely expressing disappointment when I was unable to confirm attendence to an event, but they have become increasingly more aggressive, telling me that I am 1) a bad neighbour, 2) a bad person in general, 3) ruining the neighbour community and other similar stuff. I don't really think I am in the wrong but the person has kinda made me doubt if I should be trying to take over less shifts and spend more time at ATA meet-ups to have better relationships with others in my block.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[kittythelitter]

Thinking about a stobin focused shifter au where anyone who spends a little too long in the upsidedown becomes a shifter to a slightly demo/unsettling/vaguely off version of whatever animal they're most like, and control is hard, and amount of time spent in the upsidedown correlates to how much time you can/need to spend in shifted form.

So like Will, even after he gets control, needs to/wants to spend like half his time shifted but can't be shifted full time.

After getting stuck in the tunnels Hopper is like. Needs an hour/day on average and can stay shifted for up to 6 hours at a time.

After the tunnels Dustin, Lucas, Max, Steve, and Mike need a few hours a week/can stay shifted up to 3 hours at a time ish.

And then after season 4, Steve is up to Will levels because he got double (or even triple depending on how you look at it) exposed.

Robin, Nancy, and Eddie are like. Slightly more than Hopper. Like maybe need 1.5-2 hours a day can stay shifted for like 8 hours if necessary.

Dustin is now almost Hopper level because he got exposed a second time.

It takes time to learn control and obviously Will gets the most control quickly followed by everyone who got exposed in season 2. When the younger teens are going through puberty their control fluctuates enough that they all have to take time off from school to work on it. Steve is the best of the Season 2 Crew at getting and maintaining control because he has a lot of practice with physical activity and conditioning and personal discipline when it comes to sports and body control. El can help to a certain extent.

Anyway. All this to say. I can't decide on animals for everyone and I'd love input.

Steve is very much dog. He's loyal and protective and all that good stuff. And he mostly seems like a normal dog maybe with a little bit of a skin condition that makes his skin under his fur a weird texture but mostly normal except when he gets protective sometimes his mouth opens too big and he has too many teeth and bigger claws.

For Hopper I'm thinking also Dog but like. A dog that is Off. There's something weird about that dog like those dogs that look like they might be people in fur suits from certain angles.

Will I'm thinking something small and good at hiding. Like a burrowing rodent maybe. Like a rabbit or a hamster or a mouse or a Rat.

Henry/Vecna/One is a turkey or maybe a turkey vulture because turkeys are ugly and evil.

Dustin I wanna say small predator mammal like a weasel or a ferret or a stoat but IDK.

Mike is i think a very similar dog to Steve and HATES that they're so similar but I'm open to suggestions.

Max is a cat.

Lucas is also a cat because I don't have a better one for him except maybe also a dog like Steve because he and Steve are also similar and he looks up to Steve but I think it would be cute if he and Max were both cats but like very different kinds of cats but I'm very open to input here.

Robin is also a Cat (can you tell cats are my favorites?)

Nancy is some kind of persistence predator I think. Maybe a cat maybe something smaller and cuter but also deadlier. Like those super cute tiny wild cats that are the most deadly predators you know? I'd love input from people who know more about Nancy I love her but I don't get her like I get Robin yk?

Eddie is a raccoon or a bat but I will take feedback on this

Please let me know what you think and if you have other ideas for what animals they should all be.

Really tho I'm just. Imagining the cuddle piles and also Robin and Steve being inseparable in all forms but particularly Robin getting one of those tennis ball chuckers to tire Steve out when he's in a Mood and like. Everyone who doesn't Know thinks Robin has a pet dog and her parents are like. We think it's actually Steve's dog but it likes Robin more and she is more of a cat person but she loves This Dog in particular.

Also. Eddie having a compulsion to dig through everyone's stuff including dirty laundry piles and trash. And Eddie accidentally instinctively washing his weed and being like. Oh shit. Shouldn't have done that.

[barbieaiden]

1. Kell: Dude. You're no fun to play with, you're too good.

Aiden: Kell, I love you, but I think you just suck at the game.

Kell: Dude! I always won against my siblings!

Aiden: Aww. I always let my brother win too when we were little.

Kell: You're cheating.

Aiden: I would never. I take these things very seriously.

2. Kell: By the way, you know that guy I went on a date with before your coma?

Aiden: Yeah?

Kell: Yeah, we were supposed to go on another date literally the day you got into the coma, so obviously I was like "dude, I can't make it, my friend is having a literal medical emergency", and he was like "okay, I'll just break this off here then, bye".

Aiden: Oh nooo. Did I cockblock you with my coma?

Kell: You literally did!

3. Aiden: I'll make it up to you. I'll wingman you so hard. I'll introduce you to literally everyone I know.

Kell: Isn't that, like, the entirety of River Bay?

Aiden: Almost, yeah. So you're bound to find someone.

Kell: Dude, you did not win again.

Aiden: You practically let me.

Kell: Dude!

Peyton: Is now a bad time to say hi?

4. Aiden: Peyton! NO, of course not. I didn't even know you were here, it's been so long!

5. Peyton: Yeah, I seem to recall being ignored for a month?

Aiden: Sorry about that. I was sleeping.

Peyton: For a month?

Aiden: Doctor's orders.

Peyton: Ah, of course. Totally reasonable.

6. Aiden: But don't worry. I'm back in my element.

Peyton: Do I want to know what that means?

Aiden: It means I'm ready to annoy the fuck out of you and text you every millisecond 24/7.

Peyton: Okay, I can get behind that.

7. Peyton: how are you doing?

Aiden: Great.

Peyton: "Great"? Really?

Aiden: So great. How are you? Are you still working at the mall?

Peyton: I quit impulsively a few weeks ago. I should probably get a new job if I want to be able to pay rent, but, eh. Video games are more fun.

Kell: If you're evicted you can move into Sam and Aiden's closet, I hear it's pretty empty nowadays.

Aiden: Totally.

8. Kell: Peyton, you're good at connect 4, right?

Peyton: I'd say so.

Kell: Help me win. Please.

Aiden: Who's cheating now?

Kell: There's no rule that says you can't have someone help you.

Peyton: Don't put it there. One step right.

Kell: Here?

Peyton: Yeah.

9. Aiden: Peyton, I love you so much.

Kell: Dude. Did you just make me lose?

Peyton: [Shrug]

Kell: Fuck you. Both of you.

[New scene]

10.

Sam: You met Aiden right after the car crash.

Jordan: Yes.

Sam: How bad was it? He never told me.

Jordan: Considering the crash, his injuries were very mild.

Sam: But he could've died.

Jordan: He didn't. And I don't think you need to worry about something that happened six years ago.

Sam: No, I just...

Jordan: Just what?

Sam: I don't know.

11. Sam: I hated Aiden when we first met.

Jordan: According to Kell's accounts you were simultaneously in love with him?

Sam: Attracted to. There's a difference.

Jordan: Not to me.

Sam: And how many successful relationships have you had?

Jordan: Well... I've certainly had relationships, I can tell you that much.

12. Sam: Don't you get tired of talking to new people all the time? How do you even find so many people you're interested in? I did it once and now I'm marrying him so I never have to do it again.

Jordan: It's easy if you're drunk and have very, very low standards. It also helps if you're fresh off a 13 hour shift at a hospital.

Sam: That sounds awful.

Jordan: I don't necessarily recommend it.

13. Sam: But you keep doing it.

Jordan: I suppose I have nothing better to do after those 13 hour shifts.

Sam: I'm so glad I dropped out of med school.

Jordan: You should be.

14. Sam: I'm just going to get some water.

Jordan: Okay.

15. Lucas: No, I had to do it because Michael thought it was "rude".

Michael: It was.

Lucas: If I pay for something, I want what I paid for. That's not rude. If I fuck someone's tattoo up I'd fix it.

Michael: You can't compare a meal to something that's permanently on someone's body.

Lucas: You agree with me.

Peyton: Oh, yeah.

Lucas: Exactly!

16. Peyton: Hey, Sam. How are you doing? Sleeping better?

Sam: A little.

Peyton: So... while you're here... Aiden.

Sam: Yes?

17. Peyton: He's acting... suspiciously normal, isn't he?

Lucas: Right? I literally told Michael the same thing ten minutes ago. This is the way Aiden always acts after medical emergencies, he just pretends everything's fine.

18. Sam: It's been a month. Things have gone back to normal, he's not pretending.

Lucas: No, sorry, no offense, Sam, but I don't think you get it. You weren't there all the other times he had to go to the hospital because of drugs--and that shouldn't be plural, by the way--this happens every time.

19. Lucas: He says he's fine and that he's clean now and then he just waits until people stop asking him about it and we're back at square one.

Sam: This was different though.

Lucas: Just because it was worse and because he maybe went through a tiny little bit of withdrawal while unconscious doesn't mean he's magically better.

Michael: Lucas, please.

20. Michael: You yourself said that there's nothing we can do.

Lucas: Well, we can't exactly force him to do anything but there's a difference between overcaring and pushing him away, and being so passive it turns into enabling.

Michael: I agree, but I don't think that has anything to do with Sam.

Lucas: I didn't say it does.

21. Lucas: I just don't want him dead, that's all.

Peyton: I seriously doubt any of us want him dead.

Lucas: Exactly. So we can't just trust that he's better because he says he is.

Sam: That's not what--[Sigh] I don't think it's fair to talk about this behind his back.

22. Lucas: I'd love to discuss this with him directly but he makes it pretty difficult. There's a reason he didn't want to talk to us for a fucking month.

Sam: Maybe it wasn't deliberate. Maybe he was just recovering from a coma.

Lucas: But he was talking to literally everyone else during that time, wasn't he? It's not a coincidence he ignored me, Michael, and Peyton specifically.

23. Sam: I... I don't know his motivation. And either way I don't want to be involved in this.

Peyton: That's fair. I didn't really mean for this to be a whole discussion.

Lucas: Sorry. Look, my point is just... if he's clean, that's fucking great. But I kind of doubt it. Just... keep an eye on him.

Sam: I always am.

[oscurascout]

Y/N As A Doorman

From That's Not My Neighbor game

Part 6 (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10)

They had chosen to do house chores. After all, they would be the ones staying at home most of the time. I was happy to have a maid- I mean, a roommate. The good thing was that my house was big enough for plenty of people to live in, as it was inherited from my grandparents.

The D.D.D. agent left a while ago to arrange some things; I don't remember very well what they said they were going to do but I didn'tactually care. All of the residents were in their rooms except four, one being the milkman who was working a double shift. Meanwhile, both of the twins and Angus had left for a business trip, though the twins were expected to arrive sometime this week.

It was almost time to end my shift; I just needed to approve Francis while waiting, strangely, Mr. Schmicht arrive to the window, even though he wasn't on the entry list. "Maybe he had an emergency with his new book," I thought as I looked at Mr. Schmicht's ID and didn't see anything bad. I quickly started looking at the entry request.

Arnold - "You seem to be in a hurry."

"Yeah, you see, I'll be taking care of a very special friend," I said happily.

Arnold - *menacingly* "So that traitor survived?"

I was about to open the door when I heard him say that and completely stopped. "Sorry, what?" I said, confused and hoping I misheard him.

'Arnold' - *angry* "I asked if that traitor survived?"

"Yes, he did, and I won't let you hurt him ever again!" I said, angrily.

'Arnold' - *angry* "Tch, this messes up all our plans, dammit!" *hits the glass* "How? How is that rat still alive? He was supposed to die either by those damn yellow suit bastards or by the many injuries he had!"

"It seems you failed; serves you right for trying to kill him. And you know what? For doing that, I'll start calling the D.D.D. on all doppelgängers," I said with a smirk.

'Arnold' - *angry* "I don't care about the others, but I will tell you this, you better—" *interrupted*

“I think you are barking at the wrong tree. After all, it is you who should be careful because now *stands up and leans toward the window* I will be hunting you down like the prey that you are. So be careful, little doppelgänger. Make sure to always look behind you because if you don't, I, WILL, CATCH, YOU” I said with a smirk. I could tell that they remembered those words; after all, it was the exact same threat they had told me, and that only made them mad.

'Arnold' - *angry and banging on the window* “This is not over, you dumb human! I'll make sure to get both you and your little friend, and make both of you—” *interrupted*

I didn't let him finish and pressed the red button, which quickly put the shield down. I could hear them screaming at me. I quickly called the D.D.D., but by the time they arrived, the doppelgänger was long gone.

This time I didn't hide myself; instead, I held my ground. “I swear I'll kill you,” I thought as the D.D.D. started to patrol the perimeter. After everything was done and the D.D.D. agents were gone, an hour later, Francis arrived.

Francis - “Hello, Y/N. How has your day been?”

“Good. I received word that Hoon is getting released. He will be staying with me,” I said with a big smile.

Francis - “That's good to hear, but remember to be careful, okay? Also, if you ever need help with him, just call me, and I'll help,”

“Thanks, Francis, but a D.D.D. agent will be staying with me just in case. But to be honest, Hoon would never attack me,” I said, smiling.

Francis - “Mmm, so someone will be protecting you? That's good, but still, remember to call me in case of anything, alright?”

“Yup,” I said as I let him in. “This day ended well. Now I know who to hunt,” I thought as I started leaving the office.

Upon arriving home, I saw a truck parked in front of my house, my house lights were also on “He is here, finally” I thought as I parked in my usual spot and headed inside.

As I opened the door, I was suddenly greeted by someone hugging me. I managed to catch myself before I fell over and saw that it was Hoon.

Hoon - *happy* “Hoon! Hoon!”

D.D.D. Agent - “Hey, you're back! Great, I just bought food, so let's eat!”

Hoon happily led me to the dinner table, and for the first time in a while, I really enjoyed the food. “I feel as if everything is okay now,” I thought as I listened to Hoon happily 'talk'.

[resolvedbrunette]

the 'whole other post'

okay so january, i became close friends fairly quickly with a girl from a class we shared. by april we were going mad places, going to the movies, having sleepovers, etc.

late april i go to library where she's got some mutual friends + friends of friends, we're all helping to de-escalate a situation. there's this guy who she apparently thinks is hot, i also kind of think he's hot, but he's interested in her, not me. whatever. don't care.

so further de-escalation, we spur of the moment decide hey yeah let's all have dinner together ??????? just-bpd-moments (on her part i assume but boy i love impulses too) so yep we all have dinner and it's so obvious she likes him a lot and he likes her back but he's poking at me and like. that's flirting to me, indirectly but yeah.

uh anyways later wow he has fancy car lmao i don't care but my friend is . knowing her. immediately obsessed

which continues and then within a week and a half they're dating and i'm involved with a friend of hers and then we're not involved, but her now-boyfriend just thinks i'm a silly goose and encourages my silly goose behavior at this party. this is when he takes us all home and i accidentally blab a huge open secret i have that he still pokes at me for to this day

hm. anyways. he visits her several times over the summer (THIS IS A 4 HOUR DRIVE ONE WAY MIND YOU) and like one time after my shift ends we all get together and it's weird. the closest i can describe to it is a friendship threesome and my friend keeps bringing up how we should date. bitch you guys are dating right now. "okay well what if i was dead" and being the obsessive rule follower i am socially i flat out refuse several times and he's like "maybe like 6 months after, maybe" OKAY??? fuck anyways yeah. grrrrrrr. and they're talking and flirting and i love being a third wheel to them except for when

she

says

him and i should date.

NO.

rest of the summer elapses and they're reading my fanfiction over a voice call and i hate everything, and they're drunk and she's sending me pictures of him sleeping like ????????????

so by mid august they've broken up because 1. his mom 2. his dad 3. she needs space for her mental health. ok. valid. ok. fine. hyeah. okay. woosah.

thus begins the chronicles of him and i being close friends, or closer i guess, because somewhere between church and lunch after that he pays for (thanks for that still, buddy, if you ever read this; that was the best ramen i ever had and it was because i had it with you) we take up a tiktok streak, and we're talking about what we had for breakfast, i'm telling him my new PR for running up 6 flights of stairs, he's sending me pictures of his cats, we're eating dinner, he's telling me he's in the hospital for an allergic reaction and she's blocked him. he almost died and she wouldn't have known except through me.

Did I fall in love? Is it entirely brotherly? The poetry says the first. Not the latter. The shakes I get around him - why are those? Everything is deranging.

But I tell her that he's going to help me get halloween costume items, and she's getting jealous that we're hanging out, everything i tell her about him becomes a carrot for her to hang out at him in these long strings

Hey Res told me you said X, is that true? Wowwww okay you couldn't have said that to me first? Damn. That's crazy. Wow. Okay anyways just wanted to tell you that. also I still hate you. Bye i guess

A diagnosis is not an excuse. I don't want to tell you things that you can use as a weapon. A diagnosis is not an excuse. He's in therapy now. NOW, of all times.

Several girlfriends, he has, allegedly, but have you ever considered that they were to try and cobble together to fill the void you left in him? You had sex with him and told him it was horrible and gave no recourse, no ability to fix it. You worshiped him when you had sex with him, and now you're making it seem like he was horrible for even consenting to it.

And I can't talk to either of you for a month, but do you know who I cried about on the way home last night? It sure wasn't you.

I don't know how to feel about you or him anymore. A diagnosis is not an excuse.

addendum 1

really, from what she's said and he's said, she just wants him for his status and money. hell the fuck no. leave that man the fuck alone. he wants a genuine connection. that man wants to be loved, just like you do, except yours is threaded through with obsession and it sure as hell ain't calm. but what do i know. i'm booboo the fool.

addendum 2

think i'm js tired of the drama really. aint no drama with him. they is major drama with her. i aint with it

[cielosuerte]

btw speaking of periods. here's a couple tips if nobody's told you — and these r just my personal experience of what worked for me, so take with a grain of salt! also just to say it from the jump i hope at least some of this could help a trans woman experiencing periods <3

Caffeine can help with cramps & (some) headaches. Even if it doesn't help you feel more awake or affect you in the typical way for whatever reason, it still helps with the cramps! If you don't like caffeinated beverages, midol or excedrin are both painkiller brands (acetimenophen i believe in both) that have caffeine in the pills as well, so you can take those to help without having to drink coffee or tea etc.

Heating pads or an electric blanket will change your life, but they can be expensive. You can make your own microwaveable heating pad with thick fabric and dried beans for much cheaper, just look up a diy guide to make sure you don't blow up your kitchen in a beancident (tone tag: silly!! very unlikely you can explode your kitchen, but you should still handle it carefully and not microwave it too long). If you don't want to or can't buy a heating pad/hot water bottle/make a heat plush, you can buy those little handwarmer bags at convenience stores (especially in the colder months). They're air activated and not all too expensive and last a while. I would take two or three and put them in a pillowcase and fold it up so i could lay it on my stomach like a heating pad without it directly touching my skin - since that can burn you.

Even if you don't experience bleeding, i would still recommend drinking a lot of water especially if you're like me and can barely get through a 16oz water bottle over two days (i'm working on it shh). It just is really good for you & again, can help with cramps, headaches, fatigue, and tbh even emotional symptoms.

You may not feel like eating anything when ur on ur period and i get it, i really do, but u gotta eat still bc it will make it all so much worse if you're on ur period AND hangry. that said, if you have any food sensitivities i would take extra care to avoid them during ur period bc you don't need to feel bloated and sick from your period And from eating lunch. it's horrid & i would sometimes end up playing myself like this right before a 6-8 hour shift on my feet and talking the whole day (i'm a teacher so i also would have to be explaining things and yknow, teaching without collapsing face first bc stomach ache).

As far as food goes, here's what worked for me: eating the same amount of food i normally do, but instead of 3 big meals and a snack or two (eating every 4 hours or so) i'd take my food amount and spread it out to turn it into a kind of constant nibbling the whole day (so finishing eating something every hour or two). i have stomach issues as-is so this helped prevent nausea and bloating, and also helped my energy stay consistent especially if i mixed it with drinking a lot of water and juice. personally it might be worth it to avoid super heavy/dense foods and invest in easy to make and simpler foods. like, protein bars, fruit strips, fresh fruit (apple slices and peanut butter <3) and veggies (carrots glazed in honey or roasted brussel sprouts are more delicious and easier to make than you think!). also, as much as you can, listen to what your body wants to eat. if ur craving chocolate, eat that. bc it's better to eat and feel good abt what you're eating than either not eating or feeling worse than you already do by forcing urself to eat stuff you don't want.

Last thing about food sorry it's just that eating is so important: If you have a good idea of when you get your period or when the worst symptoms are, try meal prepping the week before. nothing huge and complicated. you can straight up just make like six PB&Js and keep em in the fridge. if you have the energy to cook something you can have as leftovers, awesome! (one of my go to meals was boiling frozen pork & leek dumplings in chicken broth i made from store bought concentrate. took like 15 mins and i could sit by the warm stove and just watch it cook and then pour it in a thermos and then go lay face down somewhere. and it had salt, protein, carbs, veggie, just a great meal. and it being hot helped with cramps plus it was super light on my stomach!!)

Hate to say it but exercise helped so much with making periods manageable. If you can, try taking a 15 min walk each day. at the very least do some stretches within ur ability and comfort to help with general joint pain and keeping your body from feeling "creaky".

I love u please take care of yourself 🤍

[carrickbender]

Friday 5

1. Today was my first day on the water w/NRC, and it was cool. Saw whales, saw a bait purse seiner(the type of fishing I did in Alaska and California) working a mile from my house, fell through a dock and hurt my foot... and felt productive. My foot really hurts, but otherwise, it was a good day.

2. My boss wants to send me to Montana right after I get done with my CDL to help with logistics. 80+ hours a week, per diem, the whole thing. The abundance is truly mind boggling, and appreciated.

3. We are expecting a big announcement from my old employer about re-opening, and it sounds positive. Which means I'm going to start talking to management about joining their ranks. We need 2 shift supervisors, and considering my last 6 months in school, im on it!!! Let the self-selling... begin!!!!

3. CDL learners permit test tomorrow... oye. It's like I'm 16 again, but this time I get to learn how to drive a Tonka truck. It won't be my first time driving something this big, but it will be the first time legally.

4. Speaking of work, one of my friends in another department was out riding his motorcycle last week and was struck and killed. I was friends with both he and his wife, with whom I organized music for different festivals in Aberdeen. He was a grump if he didn't like you, but it was guys like him who taught me a lot, and we usually had a laugh at the expense of his crew. While he was on borrowed time thanks to having his heart stop for several mins about 3 1/2years ago, he lived every day to his fullest and fought hard to make it back. Peace be with him.

5. The hour that I have been making for myself in order to write and work on music has really started to pay dividends. Not that im some sort of virtuoso, but I feel like my playing is getting loose where it should be loose, tighter and more coherent where it hasn't been for a long time, and my writing certainly seems like it's progressing. I don't know how the rest of you who write do it, but I'm finding that if I let myself just go, lyrically, I get closer to what I want to say- not what I think I should say, and that is the step I've been missing for quite some time.

Just like forgiveness of myself, it's another rock layer in the open wound that is the canyon of my life. #in repair

Much love, and wish me luck tomorrow!

[worldismyne]

Seeing how you actually are able to keep your promise of weekly chapters, any tipps to commiting to a schedulde? I often think with all my free time I should be able to do the same with my storys but I just get burnt out or distracted and then self loath cause when I actually have the will again I have work responsibilities or other important stuff going on

Don't commit to an upload schedule until the first draft is finished.

Write to entertain yourself, not to meet a deadline.

Write as much as you can while the idea is new and exciting.

When soft writing and/or brain storming, I like to make a playlist specific to that story. The scenes I have that are tied to specific songs are the easiest to write.

Find the 1 hr on your days off that you have the most energy. (For me it's right after breakfast). Try as often as you can to write then. Even once every other week, is amazing.

It's okay to leave fics unfinished.

Your freetime where you rest is important

Listen to audiobooks in the same genre that you're aiming to write.

Whenever stuck, don't google, put < get there > and keep writing. When editing go back and either add to the scene or just cut it. 9/10 if I think a scene needs something to start it off, it actually doesn't.

(Longer explination of my process under the cut).

DON'T COMMIT TO AN UPLOAD SCHEDULE UNTIL IT'S ALREADY DONE.

I write as much as I can while hyperfixating on a story without posting it. So the draft for the fic I'm uploading atm was finished three months ago. I started uploading when I had 16 chapters written (or 4 months of backlog).

I can't count on how long an idea will hold my interest, or if I have enough material to stretch it out over multiple chapters. (I only just recently got into one shots. If you look at my other fics, I average around 20 k for a 'long' fic, because I get bored). So don't hold yourself to a strict length. Write the important, most engadging parts, walk away, come back and make sure it flows.

The important thing is I'm writing to entertain myself. Writing for a self imposed deadline or to meet audience expectations always burns me out. (No amount of kudos or comments will ever combat that)

I work 3, 12 hr night shifts a week, so a lot of the writing I do is during downtime at work. I personally find it difficult to write at home and spend a great deal of time recovering from working. The body needs that time to recover and it took years of unlearning that rest and self care are unproductive or a waste of time. If your work doesn't allow you that luxury, have a place out of the house you go to for longer periods of writing.

The playlist thing is a lifesaver, never discount the importance of soft writing. I literally can not visualize things, so music helps me have an outline to plot out scenes or chapters (i.e. what tone am I trying to capture). Also works to reignte the spark of inspiration. The time I'm most active is the morning, but that time often gets eaten up by real life, however it's easy to budget a half hour of time to that peak writing time. Those lil bits add up. If you haven't made progress on something in a while, it isn't a bad thing that you've prioritized other things. The writing process should be fun. It's like playing pretend, but you get to keep it afterward.

It's okay to abandon fics.

I still reread unfinished fics people posted, because what they had up was full of passion. A lot of the fics I couldn't finish were either the scope of the story was too big for what I wanted to write or the direction I was taking the fic wasn't working. Crest of the Dragon was on a 6 year hiatus before I was able to come up with an ending I liked. I was surprised people who'd followed it and left tumblr came back just to congradulate me for finishing it. Your readers will understand if you have to step away from something for a while. Updating serially often puts fic writers in a corner, by having the WIP up for everyone to see.

Burnout is usually not from the writing, but the real life shit going on around us. It can take years to figure out the main source and how to deal with it. Mental and emotional rest are important. I'm a bit neuro spicy, so there are straight up weeks where I have to resign myself to not creating anything. Having the back log helps in those instances, since l typically make things in fevered burst and then have to recoop.

Recently figured out listening to disc world novels has helped with my SE fic. It has good examples of absurdest humor, world building and general descriptions. I don't have time to read, but a lot of audio books are free on youtube. If you really, really get stuck, seeing how a pro tackles things can help even subconciously.

<get there> is my new friend. I'm not big on writing non-linearly. For longer stories, I'll parse out the main story beats and then hope the characters develope in that direction. Sometimes they go off the rails on me, or a planned subplot gets scraped. So, for this fic, I had all the mystery reveals spaced out between the two storylines. For character arcs, I go on explorative vibes.

All this to say, writing for me is an escape, and most of the time I'm doing it when I'm in a position where my options are either be on my phone or write. If I got 15 min or more, I choose write. If I got a sentence out, that counts.

It doesn't have to be perfect, or finished, or written in a timely matter. It just has to be, as long as what you're writing entertains you. Worry about uploading once you're done with it.

[nicistrying]

1am and I can't sleep which sucks bc I'm getting up at 4 to go to work for 6 with the dep bc everything is so fucking behind. I am truly at the end of my tether this week. None of us should be having to work so much extra just to keep the place afloat. I snapped at one of our drivers yesterday bc he keeps insinuating that stuff not being perfectly prepped for him is my fault when it's not. We had 2 v inexperienced people picking orders yesterday bc there is no one else, and they made some rookie mistakes as you would expect but 99% they did a great job for having been thrown in the deep end. So when he kept nagging at me I just snapped that it wasn't me. That's the second time in 2 shifts working with him that he's been an aashole to me completely unnecessarily and I just don't have the energy to swallow my frustration. My wagon driver warned me he was a dick and he was right. We had directors in visiting yesterday and they were telling the manager we're doing a fantastic job, really successful online launch (the place is just about burning to the ground. Like barely afloat to the absolute bare minimum and everyone is so stressed and tired and overworked and underpaid), keep doing what you're doing (I don't love the manager but she has had to work insane hours this week, so has the dep. I've managed to only do an extra hour or two a day so I'm lucky) and they gave her.... a £10 voucher. For the worst week we've ever had at work, between almost 30 staff. 33p each. I was so fucking angry, they acted like it was this huge prize. In their stupid suits in their stupid fancy cars with their stupid fucking briefcases while we were all working our asses off, going without breaks, coming to work on 3 hours sleep just to keep the place barely functioning. I fucking hate this company

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

life's been okay. nothing special. days just keep on going. ive had a job for bout 2 weeks. ig thats not really an achievement tbh.

before this, that work from home place i was barely working, prolly 5-10 hours a week. and i'd slither out of those where possible anyway. this one week i worked a whopping 2 hours within 2 weeks. I was planning on killing myself and occasionally tried to all throughout having those jobs so i wasn't really worried about the consequences

before that the only other in person job i had was for my ex best friend. she worked there so i applied and got a job o work with her. only for her to quit 2 weeks after i got in whiich lead me to quit prolly a week n a half later cause i finally got fed up with the manager.

so now, even tho it ain't the longest ive held down a place, its the first that i really cared to put in effort to hold a job.

im semi celebrating but im honestly miserable. my feet hurt so fucking bad so it literally doesnt matter how good my hours are i never want to leave my bed. the people up there are so cliquey and on my 2nd day out of training one of my coworkers went off on me for going too slow and "not putting in my part". theyre starting to give me longer and longer shifts. i went from working 3-4 8 hour shifts per week to working 3 doubles just like that. they sooo generously give an hour and a half break in between the 6:30-3 and 4:30-8 shift but.. who in their right mind is even leaving atp? i live too far for that. i'd be home for at most an hour. waste of gas.

and to me what's worse, this whole situation is exactly what i've been avoiding. i knew it'd come down to this someday. but what alternative do i have?

HA. you know as a kid, i never understood addiction. I never thought I'd have to deal with it. By the time I was 8 I knew I'd kill myself someday. if i ever felt bad, that'd be what i'd do. no need to force myself to do something i didnt really wanna do. but now it seems so easy. i don't know what i wanna do from here. i hate my job. i hate my home life. i dont like to talk to my friends anymore. im bored of games. im bored of music. bored of tv.

whisking the days away doing what i have to would be a lot easier if i didnt have to be fully present for all of this. just something to pass the time until i have a better handle on what's the next move. right now, the only thing i can do is save up money. i have shit to pay off if i wanna keep a good credit score and i have things i need to buy. what's me hating every second gonna change?

though i know it's a slippery slope. abusing shit aint gon work out as smooth as I wish it would. I'll get addicted and then I'll get used to feeling that way so it'll take more for me not to get annoyed. then it'll turn back to me immediately running back to it for every minor situation. and honestly with the job i got i'd just have to hope i would be able to push through it without it being noticeable

i'm not happy i stopped. i feel like had i still been on dph i would've known for a fact how to make myself look normal. i could be gone out my mind but long as i get the shit right i could just daze through the days. but ya know. now. i ratted myself out

and now im stuck.

nothing more for me to do. nothing else i could be doing. nothing else i should be worried about other than making money

I never understood why adults always told me i'd miss being a kid since i was always struggling so bad. all they ever said is that my problems then were gonna feel like nothing once i was an adult. but they were wrong. i guess for now. but all i wish now is that i used all that freetime back when nooo one woulda suspected anything if i was away for a lil while. back when i wasnt ful grown and it'd prolly take a whooole lot less to finish the job

but here we are. forced to keep going and doing what i can to suppress what i really wanna do

ah speaking of which... i got pissed the other day and i tossed one of my drawers and broke it. then broke my bottle for my vitamins by throwing it to the ground. then i accidentally knocked over this container of beads and instead of just sweeping it back into the thing and reducing the mess, i just kicked it as hard as i could and tore the container apart. there's still beads everywhere

that is something i can't force myself to contain anymore. everything else i've been dealing with fine but when im pissed im pissed. i gotta get that under control too

[noosesurroundsme]

I'm really tired of being the trainer at work for all these lazy hires. I really wish they'd find people who don't spend all day absorbing tiktoks or calling people constantly. I'm tired of having 4-5 orders in my hand while they're busy goofing off. I sometimes wish I was a smoker so I could take 5-10 minute breaks every hour.

I also really hate men who try to argue with me and when I tell them or ask them to stop because it's not a productive conversation or argument, they still find the need to keep going. We're on day 5 of this new hire and I had to tell him 5 or 6 times to go away from me and stop talking because the argument is not going anywhere. He then went outside for 10 minutes to talk on the phone while I did the paperwork (that he's supposed to be watching me do so he can close on his own, but I was also irritated so I was happy to not talk to him for that time), then he came back and tried to start the argument with me again. All over his drawer being over 15¢ that was probably left by someone who didn't want their change, which he said didn't happen. I don't believe that either because for my purchase he kept trying to talk me out of taking my 9¢ in change so who's to say it wasn't from someone.

The drawers were all counted to exactly $100 this morning so it had to come from somewhere, yet it's my fault because I made him use another coworkers drawer (that didn't do any sales all day, except for the one new hire did over there). I only did this to keep the money with whoever did the sales and we had a $100 bill from his sale and not enough $20's to break it so I had to spend cash to bring the drawer over $100. It makes more sense to keep the money with him since it was his sale. My manager would do the same thing.

I really hate fucking men who just want to argue for the sake of arguing, even if it just goes in circles. It's not the only time today he kept arguing with me. He looked at his time card and told me it was wrong. He thought it was short. He works 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. He should have 50 hours (or close to) by the end of his shift Friday night. It was completely correct but the he was looking at the wrong amounts the whole time. He was looking at the two week pay period which had already added the 4th's paid holiday hours. It's just dumb, time wasting arguments. I could spend my time better doing something else, and if he just thought through things before asking he'd see how it actually is but doesn't give it a chance. He assumes he's right before I get a word in and talks over me just for him to realize minutes later he is wrong.

He's also another meat foodie and asked me "how can I eat just vegetables" since he just assumes that being a vegetarian I must only eat vegetables. Humans by nature are more like omnivores. Except for Native Tribes, Europeans who migrated to North America initially ate more plant based meals. It wasn't until coming here were people had to hunt and kill for food did people here eat more meat. My homemade Vegan Chili (or vegetarian if I put feta on it) is all plant based. It's so much richer in flavor than it's meat based counter part. Every single person who's tried it has loved it and said it's so much better than if it had meat in it. There's more to food than murdered animals, but I don't try to force that onto other people, the least they could do is learn a little instead of trying to argue with me about all I eat is carrots and lettuce and veggies have no protein as if meat is the only way to get it.

Idk maybe I'm an intellectual person and live in facts. I don't like being wrong. I will accept it if I am and try to learn the thing I was wrong about instead of uselessly arguing the incorrect point.

[ireceived-p8250000]

January 6-12, 2013

It's enrollment time!

I enrolled immediately and bumped into Mansoor. We chatted briefly and ended up enrolling together. Turns out, we have the same classes this term. I learned a lot about him over the past few days—he shifted from Nursing and he's the middle child.

I picked up my grades and here are the results:

Psych 101: 94

Psych 102: 95

Math 104: 90

Fil 1: 93

Engl2: 96

Engl3: 97

PE2: 98

NSTP1: PASSED

Mansoor said I have a big chance of getting on the Dean's List. Maybe he's right!

Now I've enrolled in these classes:

Psych 103: Statistics: 1:10-5:25 MWF

Psych 104: Cognitive Psychology: 10:20-11:45 MWF

Bio1: Anatomy and Physiology: 1:10-5:25 TTHS

SocSci1: Social Orientation: 10:20-11:45 TTHS

PE3: Individual Sports: 7:30-8:55 MWF

NSTP2: 8:55-10:20 MWF

Mount Cloud called me for an interview. I told them about my schedule and they said the 6-10 pm shift would work. So I signed up. Wow, this is going to be the start of an exhausting year. At least the world didn't end. Nice try, Nostradamus.

I started my job the following day with orientation and training. The pay is per hour, which is P50, so I'll get P200 per night for those 4 hours. That'll be P1,000 per week. I'll be working Tuesdays to Sundays. I really need to manage my time for academics.

Beth, the owner, showed me around. She's a nice old lady from Bontoc, just like me.

I told mommy about my job and she's worried about me coming home late. I assured her it’s okay.

We went shopping to replenish my school supplies, including ping-pong balls.

I showed her my workplace but just a peek.

I jogged throughout the week. I went out with Mansoor again, and we spent the night at Starbucks. As we were leaving, I saw Sir Apollo. I smiled at him briefly and he smiled back, but he didn’t look happy. Especially when Mansoor wrapped his scarf around my neck because it was so cold at 12 degrees.

As we left, I glanced back at Sir Apollo. He was still watching us, looking angry.

I don't understand him. He’s been so attentive lately, but what does that mean? Why does he look at me that way when I’m with Mansoor? Is he jealous? Or just concerned? His behavior confuses me.

I know I should focus on my studies and my new job, but I can’t help thinking about Sir Apollo. His mixed signals are driving me crazy. Meanwhile, I enjoy my time with Mansoor. He’s fun to be around and easy to talk to. Maybe I’m overthinking everything, but I can’t ignore the tension with Sir Apollo. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things unfold.

[carrickbender]

7

1. I'm sitting here drinking coffee, but I should be doing chores. It's a nice day, bug wants to do stuff later, there's email to catch up on... so yeah, do weeks really end?

2. Friday night was fantastic: got off work, listened to my mothers epic complaining while I took the flat tire off of her old suv, lost my phone, took it to town to be fixed only to find my phone on the bumper(IT WENT 10 MILES ON THE BUMPER AT 65+ MPH TO TOWN!!!!! PRAISE ALL THE GODS IT STAYED!!!!), got the tire fixed and back on the car in a very bad spot, went home, buggy got sick and I had to clean up his #2 mess<poor guy>, and I slept on the couch because sleeping is awful in a bed anymore. Great start, huh?

3. My current shame storm is making a hurricane look like a passing shower. No matter what I do, what I accomplish, how hard I try, it's just not enough. It's a stupid thing, and no matter how much I try to do the affirmations, they aren't working. #backtosquareone

4. I have a drs appointment tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. I've gained 5 lbs(or so my messed up scale says), but my pants fit better, so I dunno. Plus, there's the pain in other places thanks to fluid build up. Just another fun thing that's happened since I had bypass surgery. #insulttoinjury

5. I think after a certain age you should be able to trade certain things that still work on your body for things that would be more useful. For example, I'd gladly trade my still working sex drive for the ability to thrive on 3-4 hours a night of sleep. That way I could trade one useless thing for a useful thing. Pardon me for being slightly bitter. Im just over it. To be honest I wish I was working the 60-70 hour a week schedule and going to school like I was before. At least then I wouldn't think about it as much. #thanksihateit

6. My former employer is having a big meeting w/investors and politicians on the 25th, and theres rumours it might start back up. So im sending the HR manager my updated resume, and starting the conversation about a shift supervisor position. To be honest, I'd kill for it, and it would keep me on career trajectory. Fingers crossed.... I love my new job but I can't afford to work there.

7. I'm sorry to be such a negative person but I'm kinda reaching a hard spot in my journey. I have no real time to stop and process because if I did I think it would derail part of the rebuilding process for my life I started a few years ago. Part of that rebuilding process was prioritizing financial security, so even considering all the other stuff has to take a backseat... but how to do it when you're a novice at self care and are trying to reprogram your already f'ed up brain is another thing entirely. Bono wrote it best in the song Cedars of Lebanon: "The worst of us are a long drawn out confession; The best of us are geniuses of compression.You say you're not going to leave the truth alone.I'm here 'cause I don't want to go home".

Thanks for letting me vent. This week will be better... I think. Much love!

[thunderthighsandspite]

That didn't go as planned.

I binge eat everyday now, my heart rate is almost always above 100 and about 200 when I exercise.

I haven't been going to the gym or drinking enough water and eating enough fiber or supplements.

I think I need to recommit everyday and go to bed early so I don't eat at night.

I need to track again.

I want to be an size 5 again and have an 25 inch waist.

I need to do this for me, so I can be comfortable and not feel gross anymore or eat myself to death.

I've already been told by my doctor twice that I need to lose weight and I think I need to convince myself I love dieting and eating healthy.

If I shift my mindset into "I like and want to do these things" should help.

My diet goals:

1. Only eat one carby food a day (bread cuz work lunches include sandwiches)

2. Eat healthy alternatives to my cravings like pickles if I want something salty and fruit if I want something sweet or popcorn and warmed applesauce with cinnamon and truvia.

3. Drink more tea

4. Don't eat at night (only fruit if I can't sleep from hunger)

5. Go to bed earlier (take sleeping supplements if need be)

6. No more candy, chips, pastries and baked goods.

7. Chew mint gum or brush teeth after eating

8. Go to gym three time a week and focus on strength training

9. Listen to my body's natural cues in terms of hunger and how food makes me feel after consumption.

10. Journal, pause before each bite, use chopsticks to slow myself down and try my best to eat slow and mindfully.

11. Pause for 15 minutes whenever I feel like binging or eating when I'm bored or not hungry.

12. Invest in water flavor packets because otherwise I don't drink water and water is very important for my body to function and to keep me full throughout the day.

13. Stop being lazy and prepare healthy baggies of snacks so I don't have an excuse to not eat healthy.

14. Eat every 3/4 hours and drink something too.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

i am high af rn, bc i had to go see about an interview for a summer job and that got me all out of sorts and i needed to calm down. and like. i honestly don't know if i'll be able to hold down a summer job, bc i'll have to be around new people. probably in a place that is sensory hell. what if i can't tough it out? but i feel like i have to.

[this got hella long so i came back and added a cut]

my mom is having some medical problems (i won't get into it bc i wanna respect her privacy) and she's going to have to have surgery. luckily, both my parents have insurance and they're thinking between the two most of it should be paid for. but she will be out of work for at least 6 weeks to recover. and that's six weeks without pay. and like, i think my dad makes enough for them to float by.

but my mom has been so supportive of me during my mental breakdown, including cooking me meals nearly every night. and i want to be able to return the favor to her. except without cooking because i'm real bad at it. (i need specific, detailed instructions with exact measurements and times, or i am lost) but i can go get food every night. and take it over to her and then eat with my parents bc that always makes my mom happy.

i just wanna do something nice for her. and also bc she needs to recover but will literally try to get up and cook dinner for her and my dad so he can eat when he gets home. and y'all, my dad is not the kind of man who expects that from a woman. if he was my momma would have taught him real quick how things were and where the door was if he didn't like it. so like, she does not have to do this. in fact, i bet my dad tells her explicitly not to do this. but she'll do it anyway, bc she's a stubborn pain in the ass and i love her.

and i just want to take care of her a little; not bc i think she can't take care of herself, but bc she shouldn't have to when she is recovering. like obviously my dad is gonna help out more. but he works 10 hour shifts (his jobs idea of the 4 day work week, 4 ten hour days followed by three days off. unless night shift on thursday didn't finish the week's work, then people needed to come in friday. but they get overtime pay, so that makes it okay, or something)

anyway, he's tired and he's disabled (in multiple ways i won't list for respect of his privacy. but he's never let it stop him from doing something. necessity is the mother of ingenuity. or something.) so i don't want him to spend 10 hours on his feet then have to come home and cook and help take care of my mom. i want to help them.

so i need this part-time job. 1. so i can pay my bills. the summer fund isn't gonna cut it. 2. buy dinner for my parents and myself and also probably my brother since he lives with me (oh, make him go halfsies. it'll save money) 3. save up anything extra to pay into a going back to school fund. but like, a 2 yr degree or a certificate program in something i can do from home. offered at a community college, bc i'm not paying university prices

this post has become a mess. i'm gonna go back up and add a cut. thanks for reading my stress rant y'all